So this might sound crazy..

Sometimes I sit around at home and think about what my life is going to be like later in life. No, that's not the crazy part. The crazy part is that I think about who I'm going to marry, who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. I can't wait to be with that man who I willingly do everything for. I want to find the man to whom I want to cater.

I'll get home from work after a long day, and I'll be exhausted and tired as shit. Regardless, I'll still want to do everything in my power to make him happy. I'll want to cook, clean and satisfy my man. It sounds crazy, because I honestly don't seem like that type of girl. I don't seem like the type of girl who knows how to take care of anything or anyone but herself....maybe. That's not true. That's not true, but why not let people believe what they want.

Sometimes it's just a little weird to me that I think about how much I want to make someone else happy. What about my own happiness? I feel like as people mature, as they grow, they realize that happiness is not all about loving oneself or being completely engulfed in just being 100% focused on oneself. Happiness grows contingent upon another's happiness. I feel like if I find that person who I find happiness pleasing, I would never give up. Why give up on something that powerful? Something that amazing?

I've always known myself to be extremely selfish. I know where people get that idea from. I always put myself first, and I always think about myself. Yeah, whatev. Truth is, there have only been a handfull of people in my life who I would put ahead of me. I would think of them before I even think of myself. These people are the most important people in my life. I don't know where I would be without them.

Everyone needs a support system, and everyone needs a shoulder to lean on sometimes. I used to think that I could do it all by myself. I used to think that I could make myself happy and nothing and nobody else mattered. That's before I found people that I wanted to be a part of my life permanently. It's really a trip when you find someone that you can connect with on every & any level. It's intriguing. It's amazing, wonderful, and it really just puts some things into perspective. The feeling that I get when I talk to people with whom I have many things in common is almost euphoric.

Anyways, I guess I just haven't been able to talk to people about things like this in a long time. Or I've just had too many thoughts in my mind lately. Whatever it is, venting is always therapeutic.

xo.E